March 18th, 2011

Amazing

I've always wanted to be amazing but Ive never been willing to put out the effort.

Sustained effort has generally been beyond me.
Getting off speed and graduating from clown school.
These are the only two tasks of any real weight I have accomplished.
What makes a person amazing then?

Kristen Bell is amazing.
Beautiful, smart, talented, skilled.

I'd like to be someone like that, if only for the sake of attracting similar into my life.

I need to be smart, talented, sexy.
Disciplined.
Sexy will come of it's own accord with the other attributes.
Smart I've got a bit of, but really just enough to coast by in most things doing the minimum to have general low level successes.

I have no education, that's something I could remedy.

I think a successful career, making my self particularly skilled, be one of the best at something other than taking pictures of naked clowns.

SO that's what I need to be.
Disciplined.
Become lithe, skilled and focused.

I want to be amazing. This will take more than my general minimal effort to achieve.
But I'm not crazy any more, or not as crazy, and can spend less energy fighting depression and obsession, and try to focus on making something good that lasts, and making myself into someone I would want to be with.

A.