March 5th, 2011

What have I done?

In my life, so far what have I done?
What that is amazing, or inspiring, or that would fill me with awe.
I can't think of anything, and the fact that I am bothering with the thought must be some middle life crisis, proving my life to this point has had worth.
But really, what have I done.
I have loved 3 women wholey and failed awesomely in each case.
I went to clown school, that was difficult, to leave my home and go to a new city to follow a fool hardy impulse, with much lost hair and cortisol in the mix, but that's no more than many many people do, at a much earlier age.
It can be argued that I have in some way saved two people from overdosing. One of whom means something.
And speed.
That was the hardest thing I have ever done.
I quit speed, on my own cold turkey.
Took a long time to heal, and don't know if my brain will ever again be what it was.
But it was the hardest thing I have done.
Still, I don't think it qualifies as amazing.

I still then, have amazing things I need to do.