||[Jan. 15th, 2011|12:45 am]
It's almost too late now. All the others have gone off to their huts, paired up, singly, in groups. I'm alone here by the fire while the remnants of the witches cat burns, bigger than my house, in the fit pit in the center of our village underneath the brambleberry bush.|
Todd made his move on Sarah tonight. She isn't the loveliest. He could have one of the loveliest, but he wants Sarah. I want Sarah, and it's not fair. he was born into everything. He was first born in his fathers hut, he was first choosen for rites of ascension, next likeliest to be the chief, when the old chief goes on his final scavenge. And he flaunts his damn clothes in front of everyone.
And I'm sitting here naked, and jealous of him. Of him. God in heaven, this is sick.
I just want Sarah back. She hasn't talked to me once since she saw me laying with Angela.
I told her I was sorry, I told her it wasn't my fault, that we'd eaten bad logan berries and the lust had come over us.
I told her I would never do it again, but she didn't care. It's not like we were ever really together. Not really, we had just gotten started.
And Tad found her, all pissed and seething, and he showed her his stupid paintings and talked to her all night and who knows what else.
I bet they did it. I bet the laid together, even though he is the chiefs son and never supposed to. Even though she was an orphan and no one else but me would have her.
God it's sick, thinking of them together.
And ther he is sitting next to her, touching her skin with his elbow, rubbing against her "accidentally"
And everyoen keeps asking me whats wrong. I don;t look right, my skin is too yellow, my hair not blue enough, they think i'm sick, that somethings wrong with me. And they are starting to avoid me.
No one understands. It's her. I love HER and that's all I want. God it's make me bleed inside to know that she's going to let him touch her. That he will break his vows with her.
He's probably done it with all the girls in the village.
I hate him.
I hate him so much.
If he wasn't the chiefs son I'd stab im in the neck when he was hunting and leave him there for the ants to take.
God why is this happeneing to me.
I don't want to be alone. I just want Sarah back. I'll do anything, i'll be a better person. I promise not to break my vow ever again, and never lay with another girl beside her. Just please give her back.
Or I swear to god, I'll kill them both.
Iv'e thought about it a lot. Too much. I need to let this go. But god in heaven, she's so beautiful, and she was mine damnit. Not yours, you have everything else. She is supposed to be mine.
My skin is turning blue in the fire. Thank god it's dark. Everyone would know what I am thinking. They could see it on my face and arms and would drive me out.
I'll start wearing clothes too. That will show him. No one will know what I think then.
God I'm drunk.
I really need to go to sleep, but I can see her with him, across the fire, and it hurts so much inside.
I need to clear my head. Not think about this. And I'm too drunk. I wonder if Linda has found a man yet. She'll break her vow with me. That's something. At least I won't have to think about Sarah. GOd I don't want to think about Sarah.
Shit, I spilled my wine. Oh crap, Sarah. Don't come over here, Don't!
Shit shit shit.
"No, I'm fine."
"Yeah, I'm sure,... gonna go see what Linda's doing."
"No sorry, I didn't mean it like that."
"Ok yeah, see you in the morning"
I'm such an idiot.
Look at his smug ass.
I'm gonna kill him I swear.
I need some more wine.